Film Remakes

Film Remakes.

Is Hollywood running out of ideas, it seems to me that whenever there is a lull in the film industry, they churn out another remake of a classic film normally without the sparkle or the special magic that made the original a box office hit.
If I may I would like to kick around a few ideas that might freshen up a few film remakes, so here goes,
An action adventure where the main protagonist an archaeological treasure hunter who is now female, and has an irrational phobia of cheap hair products, goes on an expedition in search of a mythical cursed Nuns headgear, after being commissioned to do so by the British Museum.
The title of the film would have to be tweaked to allow for the script changes into:- Cindy Anna Jones and the Wimple of Doom.

My second offering would be a second world war epic, A story of a young soon to be married Marine on the battlefield who accidently stands on a landmine and suffers damage to his nether region, whereupon all his platoon mates rally round him, pick up the blown bits of his wedding tackle and carry him through the perils of the battlefront to the field hospital, so that he could have the aforementioned parts reattached and not disappoint his future bride on their wedding night.
The revised title would be:- Saving Ryans Privates.

My Third film remake would need to have a total rehash of the original script,
A fast paced thriller which starts off as a normal day and gathers speed and momentum right up to the finale.
The premise of the story- An ordinary man gets up for work, goes through his morning routine, but is struggling with a huge hangover from the previous nights activities.

As he is about to leave his home he goes to the bathroom and takes what he thinks are a few headache tablets, but in his haste he does not realised that the bottle he reached for actually contained laxatives.

The main bulk of the film concerns itself with the long journey to work on public transport, the increasing urgency and the dilemma of decisions at every bus stop,and will include a scene where the pressure gets too much for him and he dives off the bus frantically dashing around looking for a W.C that is not either occupied or out of order, to reach a buttock clenching finale.
This last title  is :- Clothes Encounters of the Turd Kind.

I hope this has been of some use to film producers, and if you need my help with ideas in the future please don’t hesitate to get in touch.